#14: From “Who Am I?” to “Who I Am”
By Sarah Wexler
If you had asked me in high school to rate my confidence on a scale of 1 to 10, I probably would’ve said a 1, maybe a 2 on a good day. Like most teenagers, I was figuring out who I was, but for me, confidence wasn’t just low. It was nonexistent.
Fast forward to now, and I can genuinely say I am a confident person. It didn’t happen overnight, and it definitely wasn’t easy, but it was worth every uncomfortable step.
This week, I’m sharing how I built my confidence from the ground up—and how that inner shift has changed the way I carry myself, connect with others, and show up in both my personal and professional life.
The Fine Line Between Arrogance and Confidence
To me, the key is grounding your view of yourself in humility. Be proud of who you are and what you bring to the table, absolutely! But remember: your sparkle doesn’t make you superior to anyone else. And if you think it does? That belief only exists in your head.
I love when I meet people who are truly comfortable in their own skin without needing to dim someone else’s light. That, to me, is real confidence. That’s real self-love. Because let’s be honest. People who feel the need to tear others down are doing that to look better in comparison. (They hate themselves <3).
Even though confidence starts with how you view yourself, it also shows in how you view the people around you. True confidence means seeing others as equals. The minute you start placing yourself above or below someone else, it stops being confidence and starts being insecurity in disguise.
It’s In the Little Things
People love to say things like “Be yourself!” and “Beauty comes from within!”—but rarely explain what that actually means. Growing up, I remember thinking, “Sure, I’ll be myself... but I have no idea who the f* that is.”*
Instead of waking up and declaring, “I’m going to be confident today!” (as if that magically flips a switch), try doing small things that ground you in what actually brings you joy.
You like wearing green eyeliner? DO IT. (Okay, maybe not to an interview—but you get the point.)
You want to start working out but feel too intimidated to dive in? Start by buying workout clothes that make you feel cute and comfortable. It’s about making you feel good.
Little by little, the more you do things just because you like them, the more you start building an identity rooted in joy, not approval. And from that joy comes a quiet, unshakable kind of confidence.
Inside, Not Outside
You don’t search for your house keys in someone else’s home—so why search for your self-worth in someone else’s opinion?
Is it okay to let your friends hype you up? Duh. Literally duh.
Does attention from someone you're into feel good? Like, yeah. Of course it does.
But relying on others to define your worth? That’s like walking a tightrope. One wrong step, one bad date, offhand comment, or text left on read and suddenly you’re free-falling.
If you put too much weight on what other people think, let me know how the ground feels.
ESTD (easier said than done. I say this all the time so I am trying to start something), but the only consistent thing in your life is you. Not your friends, family, or romantic interests are going to be there for yourself the way YOU can.
So compliment yourself. Buy yourself flowers. Take yourself on a date. Whatever it is—do it for you.
And if you’re feeling low (because we all do, from time to time), don’t make looking for confidence outside yourself a habit. Take it from me: external validation is like a drug. It hits fast, it fades faster, and you’ll keep going back for more.
FITYMI!!
Confidence and being comfortable with yourself doesn’t just improve your mental health. It makes your world bigger. People want to be friends with confident people, hire them, and just be around them.
So do yourself a favor and do one thing today that makes you feel like the smart, cute, cool, and overall great person you are.
I’ll leave you with one last corny saying: Fake it ’til you make it. People are dumb. Sally and Hallie and Fally are probably too busy stressing about how their stomach looks in a shirt to notice that you’re faking your confidence.
So if you’re not quite there yet with yourself, strap on your actor boots (hopefully they’re sparkly 😉) and be it for the day. Fix your posture. Make eye contact. Pretend you’re talking to your best friend with everyone you meet. You’ll be shocked what a little confidence improv can do.
Rapid Fire Quotes To Think of On Low-Confidence Days
Comparison is the thief of joy.
Unfollow the people on Instagram that you follow only to compare yourself with.
Not everyone’s going to like you, but you should.
This Week’s Song: Espresso by Sabrina Carpenter
