#11: The Unexpected Grief of Outgrowing Your Own Life
Binghamton, NY
By Sarah Wexler
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It’s a mindf*** to find yourself stuck somewhere you’ve already outgrown.
Whether it’s your childhood home, a job that no longer fulfills you, or even a friendship that’s lost its spark, existing in a place you’ve mentally moved past can feel incredibly disorienting.
For me, that place was Binghamton, NY.
A city that fit me perfectly during undergrad, but didn’t feel quite right during my graduate year. Between a major shift in friendships and a gradual departure from party culture I once loved and thrived in, it often felt like my mind and my environment were living on completely different pages.
Going back to my college town was emotionally heavy for me. It brought up some trauma and some bad habits back into my rotation. Being back here meant so many things at once. It was the beginning of a new academic journey, the ending of my college era, and somehow, it felt like the messy middle of something else entirely.
After graduating last May, I so desperately wanted to move on to the next phase of my life. I honestly felt a little embarrassed I was staying, while all of my friends were leaving and moving onto bigger things.
I’m sure you felt this way too at some point in your own life.
Staying in a job that was once exciting and fulfilling, now just puts you in a rut.
Staying in a friendship that once suited you when you were a completely different person, now doesn’t feel right.
Going back to the comfort of your childhood home, only to find yourself acting like your teen self again.
Your actions often emulate your surroundings, even when you know better.
So what do we do here?
I had to get my degree. You likely couldn’t leave that one job on a whim, even if you wanted to. Sometimes we have no choice but to live and work in these in-between places, even when every instinct is screaming to move on.
There’s really no flashy solution, or thrEe queSTioNs yOu Can asK yOURself moment here (lol. but it made sense for last week).
So what can we do? The good old, making the best out of the situation trick.
Yayyy! throws glitter in the air with tears in my eyes
You know me, I love a concrete solution. A clear next step. But from experience, I know that in this situation, you can’t change anything except your mindset. Sometimes you just have to do your time, KNOWING that there’s something amazing waiting for you at the end.
Social interactions that used to send me into a spiral — times when someone was rude, catty, or dismissive — now barely register. What once felt like a reflection of my worth is now just a passing thought.
I’m above it now — but in the most humble, healed way possible.
It’s way easier said than done. But if all you get from a not-so-ideal situation is personal growth… that’s HUGE. Even if it felt like I outgrew my college town, I, MYSELF, still grew so much. It forced me to look inward. Forced me to find the positive. Forced me to find the sunshine in a very gloomy city.
One thing I like to say is “You bloom where you’re planted.”
Very Pinterest-y I know, but it really captures what I am trying to say. You might not like the smelly, rocky soil you’re in. You might wish you were somewhere brighter, cleaner, softer.
But you still deserve water.
You still deserve sunlight.
You still deserve to grow.
You deserve all of it, even if your environment doesn’t completely match your petals.
So be gentle with yourself — and with the timing of your life.
One day, when I move onto the next phase of my life, I’ll probably talk about the fears that come with THAT. But if you’re like me — living in a place where you wish you were three steps ahead — make sure to take care of that garden.
Because sometimes, it can be beautiful there too. 🌸
This week’s song: Flower Child by Kacey Musgraves
